Happy Delirium

As an adult...

1: You procrastinate and google-search yourself to find the embarassing shit you wrote in high school.
2: You facepalm at #teenage problems
3: You contemplate bills, loans and edumucation.
4: You lurk. EVERYWHERE.

I have about as much an incentive to do my engineering homework as I do to getting an icepick lobotomy.


I lived most of my life in Colorado.

When I was nine years old, Columbine happened not too far from my house. I remember getting frustrated because I wanted to watch cartoons and all the channels were playing some goddamn something about a high school and scenes were on a repeating loop: here was a group of kids frantically running out from a back exit door, heads ducked, arms braced around each other, frantic, bolting, another image, wobbly and unstable from the circling helicopter. Long lines of squad cars barricaded around the school, but everyone at a standstill, except the kids bleeding and crying and standing in dazed shock. 

I just wanted my cartoons. I know that sounds to be a really callous thing to say, but at nine years old, these things don't register from a t.v. set. 

And for now? Or that shit-show in Aurora? 

Here's the thing about guns, death, and crazy people that I feel people misunderstand. 

You can have all the security blankies you want. You can ban everything you think is unsafe, everything that is prone to violence and evil and then you can tell yourself, "Okay, that won't happen again." 

But this is where you're wrong: when there's a will, you can bet your sweet ass there is a definite way, and every human system created has a weak point, a pressure point, or a failure. Someone who is determined enough to follow through on what they want will exploit that failure and succeed. 

There is no stopping this. Those little security blankies might work now, but not too far down the road someone will find a way to get past them. And when they do, everything everyone fears will happen again, but it'll look different. And everyone will panic, and point fingers, and gesticulate and blame and speculate, they'll settle new boundaries and laws and rules because they think that'll save the world this time. 

You can't stop crazy. Crazy is inevitable. Hatred of the blackest kind is inevitable. These kinds of people will always exist and will always, always want to find a way to hurt people, justified or otherwise. Outlawing guns won't stop them. Outlawing movie theaters, setting up metal detectors, getting rid of all guns or setting up assinine TSA like security stations will not stop people; if anything, it might give them an invitation. 

The best thing you can hope for if crazy ever happens to knock on your doorstep is for luck, fortitude, bad-aim on the part of crazy and instincts that tell you to stay low, stay quiet and by god run. If it is your time, it is your unfortunate, sudden and inexplicable time. You can only hope and pray that the bullet strays, the killer is distracted, your amgydala kicks in and you respond on autopilot to save your life. That's it. You're more likely to die in a car crash in this lifetime than get killed by an asshole in riot gear in a movie premiere, so all you can hope for is luck and immpaccable instinct if that time ever comes. 

On the other route (or: disclaimer/other defense): 
I like guns. I like blowing shit up. But I would never use these things in conjunction with killing people, unless it was a zombie invasion which the CDC says (at this point is unlikely) or you're a crazy fucker getting hopped up on bathsalts and looking to eat my face off. Banning guns is stupid. And irritating. And seems to be something East-Coasters screech their heads off about when shit hits the fan. 

As a western kid born and raised, I like my firearms. I'm not obnoxious, holier-than-thou NRA about it, but guns are cool. Shooting bowling pins and tannerite is fucking sweet beyond belief.

The issue with weapons that kill people will never be the majority of people who own them: it will be the small minority that had bad intentions from the start. The majority of people that shoot guns understand the ramifications of what they hold in their hands. Not to the same extent as soldiers (obviously a diff can of worms, there), but to the extent that they wouldn't use them to be assholes. Banning guns because of a few assholes just pisses off normal people and will inevitably bite someone else in the ass later. After all, a question I ask myself about the Aurora shit is this: what if someone had a CCW? Would that have changed up the playing field? Would they maybe have been able to stop something? 

We'll never know, will we? 

Anyway: lolz. Poli-rant. 


Ah, end of th season blues and JOB HUNTHUNTHUNT

I love my dad. I'm having a much more spastic/abnormal freak out due to (yet again) not getting a job after five long months of poking and harassing and copy-pasting my resume and after sniffling and sounding very sad-panda on the phone, he admits to me (after an extended and very pragmatic discussion of my choices to stay here and make skimpy money or go home and truly be poor college kid), "I don't know WHY you're crying as much as you are."

Darling Father, I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

Poor Dads. Even after they've known their daughters for 19 years, there are still things about the female mind that confound them. Fortunately, there's a club.
Walter Thumbs Up

The Way I See It, Just History Repeating...

Two years ago, when I was but a wee high school senior, I did the 200 Things Meme. Because I am bored and procrastinating, I thought I'd check it out again and see what changed. I recommend you try this, too.

haven't done (i.e., not old enough to yet)
Underline, want to do
Bold, have done.
Strikethrough, do not want.

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Happy Delirium

I have fifteen minutes. And then I must work.

In the mean time, I have those very nice fifteen minutes to write madly like I'm on meth. Or boredom. Or...stalling so I don't have to work on my PR assignment due tomorrow at 4pm. Yes, that may be it, too.

I'm going to try to pick up writing, now. It's been awhile.

Prompt: He didn't survive interrogation.
Time: 15:00
Music: Last Man Standing -- Hybrid (p.s.: this is the best cinematic music ever created by man. Go find this song on YouTube and you'll feel your heartrate jack up. This is like music for a warzone, for realz.)
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Back from the dead. In mild repose.

To say that making friends with males is a disaster is a relative understatement.

To say that they're more confusing than women -- which is strange, considering their thought processes are so much simpler -- is a disconcerting blurb.

And to say that a girl knows how to handle such an odd situation, when leveled with the fact she enjoys said male's company and likes being a pseudo-protege, is a sad, sad reality.

In other news: 
I enjoy ballistics and explosives. Potato cannons = win. Wish I had the mathematical agility to be an engineer.
Cars = yay. Sometimes wanna be mechanic.
First summer spent away from ze homeland. Actually not that bad. Also, having own house pwns dorm life by many marks of awesome.
Missing fanfic world. Has no muse to write.

And the beat, they say, goes on...

I object, Mr. President!

Kids, this is what happens to your democracy when you sit back and let the big G-Man raid your house in the name of your safety:

Well, you're American, but you're a terrorist. So I guess you don't count!

Don't misunderstand me: shit happens, terrorists need to be caught, etc etc. But look at what's happened the past 10 years. We've lived in this hypervigilant state of "OMGZTALIBANALQAEDA GONNA RAEP MAH BABEHS" and still STILL we have guys that slip in. We have a no-fly list that really is a joke and seems to still let people like Faisal Shahzad (i.e. bad ammonia Times Square bomber) and the Detroit Pants Bomber in.

Something is obviously wrong if you keep bulking up on a system and yet people are slipping through the cracks. You want speed? You want quickness? Make your force agile and small. It's what we've done in the military, righ? Cut back on the sizes of battalions and platoons? You go after the enemy, you go after him in small squads, for quicker movement and efficiency and agility. Using a shotgun to kill a mosquito is never the right answer, and though the nuclear bomb did settle some of our problems (albeit at a price -- as is the case in warfare), that was a selective instance of reasonable overkill. IMO.

But this? THIS? You cut on one constitutional right, you begin to slowly gnaw away at the others. And it's subtle, too; the constitutional rights we find missing are the ones you don't hear nicely smiled on CNN or roared with rabid froth on FOX. They're the ones that matter, but the ones we never hear about. Your 4th amendment. Your 5th, 6th and 7th. They're no big, right? If it ain't on FOX, I have nothing to worry.

Wrong. So wrong.